Tears!!

I have seen, heard and shed so many in the last 5 months. Anytime I think about how Stella came to join us I tear up. The week leading up to her arrival when I tried not to think about the possibility of a girl but then just incase made a little pink heart onesie. The night we found out that she would be ours and the screaming tears that followed the phone call from our case manager. The tears from thinking that all those nights of wanting it to happen sooner and how God had a way better plan. Tears for love at first sight when they brought her to us and she smiled instantly at the sight of me, her mother forever. Tears when I think of the three days in the hospital all by herself. Tears seeing people with tears that I did not expect to be so moved. Tears for having no idea what i was doing on the day she was being born.  For the sweetest foster family who took her in and did all the really hard work, middle of the night feedings especially. For the amazing Lawyer who represents our girl and pushed for her to be with us after finding our blog and hearing our hearts.  for the sweetest little girl face I have ever seen. Tears for the biological mom that will never know this sweet baby girl. Most of all tears for an incredibly intricate plan that has left me baffled by God's power his omniscience and the story that he is writing through Stella and our family.

Scarf Bibs!

A new little Bright Spot

Stella Joy You have been the most unbelievable blessing to us. When I would pray for a brother or sister for Boston, I always expected a boy. Although Boston always asked for a sister. The likelihood of us getting a girl had always seemed very low so I didn't even consider it. I knew for sure that we would also get this little toddler, the likelihood of us getting a baby was very low, so again I didn't even consider it. Seeing the stories and faces of these children in crisis was heart breaking. All the trauma and I knew, we were in for heart ache and hard work, for attachment disorders and therapy. Then came you. A Girl! Less than 2 months, sleeping through the night. Smiley, happy, healthy. A real dream. God had given us more than we had dreamed of.. Two months in and I still wonder how we got so lucky. I know that God brought you to us, but I also know that we don't deserve that kind of blessing. We are just sinners. Big time. It reminds me that in the times that are hard, and I can't understand why, sometimes we just DON'T KNOW . I find it so easy to accept, not understanding, when it is a blessing but not as easy to accept when it is a new challenge that God has brought me. All the while I know both blessings and challenges are part of God's plan for me. There has to be a certain amount of darkness, to be able to see stars and the moon. Everyday I come home to this bright little face that just shines when times feel dark, and God is working and it is better than my dreams for me.

Sewing lessons, I need them!

When my sewing is seen it hurts! Messy as it is, still love this little onesie!

A shower for June in June!

Ruthie's little June is said to arrive September 22nd... I can't wait, hope she got everything she needs and a little more. ;)

Hot pink. Boy. Bowtie

Hot pink+ lace...baby girl skirt

For June! Expected to arrive in September! In love with the hot pink and lace that comes with girls! Until I have my own, girlfriends with girl babies look out!

Chocolate chip cookie cake

I love to celebrate! Especially a wonderful friend's birthday!

Chocolate chip cookie cake + butter cream icing, delicious and I am not a baker, so I felt proud! With Nano's help of course!

Foxy

I have been experimenting with freezer paper... I drew the fox in paint on my computer then printed it on freezer paper. Cut out the fox, including his eyes and ears. Iron the cut out on to the t-shirt, then paint. This was a little more difficult than I thought but turned out pretty good. Trying more soon!

Foster/ adoption thoughts

Foster/Adoption thoughts
I don't think I am a super mom
Or super holy, I don't think I know everything I need to, or how to prepare for cultural differences, I do not have it all figured out, not even close. I do feel I have the capacity to love a child that was not born to me, I do it every day. I do feel like I desire to suffer alongside a child who needs a mom to love them relentlessly, I know I am asking for pain, and heartache, I know this desire comes from the Holy Spirit because I am selfish and couldn't desire it from my own sinful heart.

Guilty: I am a proud Mom! http://www.youtube.com/user/bostoncalcote

Back in action with a new sewing machine!

My mom and dad got me a new sewing machine for my Birthday and I had no idea, how worn out my old one had gotten!! Started back with more toddler bow ties!!!

We get Broadcasts from our adoption agency usually a few times a week. They are full of children's storys and their sweet faces. It is always equal parts exciting and sad. I force tears back into my head by widening my eyes and holding my breath. I can not believe what some very innocent and beautiful children go through. It is hard to stomach. The excitement part is only before reading the tragedy that they have been through and thinking, could this be our child? We have had many reactions to our desire to foster/adopt. Most of them are supportive. Some have many many questions, which I welcome, but I know I don't have all the answers. All I know is we feel called to do something. I feel like this podcast explains it even better. http://austinstone.org/sermons/item/adopted-the-cost-of-love

What are the chances the light went out on New Years day??!?!

Adoption

How do we know when God is calling us to abandon practical, spreadsheet calculated, rational and what seems to be Wise. When is it our heart and emotions leading us and when is it God, in us? I am not always sure, I tend to leave a good cushion of hearing God and acting(which is not always good). I pray and I think about it and I take steps toward it hoping he will stop me, if it isn't his plan. I just don't always know what He is saying. Right now we are officially licensed to Adopt, and we are waiting. It is not the kind of waiting that feels excruciating yet. I am enjoying my three person family as much as I can until the time comes that we get to add to it. I am praying to make the right choices as they come up, and really hear God when it is time for us to act. I am so blessed that we have such a supportive community, I can genuinely know that they are praying these same things. Until then, Let's enjoy today!